just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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