he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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