i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I could make wine with my vomit
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You are a genius and a whore.
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