i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
