Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
