I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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