she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
