thus making me awesome and them whores
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
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He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
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He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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