All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
