i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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