My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We're too hungover to prance.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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