I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
