No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
