I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
