sarcasm needs its own font
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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