My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
