i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
