coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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