He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
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You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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