The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
