I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize