no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
