I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
