she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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