I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize