Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
