I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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