i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
