so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
