Your dad touched me again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
