She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
