the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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