I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
