Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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