the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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