i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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