were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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