blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
