I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
