The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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