As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
