I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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