Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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