You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
