hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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