i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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