i would punch a child for taco bell
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
