Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
