Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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