please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
