If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
