so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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