well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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