Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
