I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
