i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and you said cock pushups were impossible
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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