Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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