Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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