dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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