In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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