after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
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how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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