Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
