Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
