well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
