you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
