Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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