dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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