Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
