he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
