We won't sleep together?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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