Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
