I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
