I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
