thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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