Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
