so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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